Antal Livia, Olivia
My Inner Conflict through Avoidance and Ignorance
Being aware of biological foundation, knowing that soul has its own project to develop, knowing that we bring trauma footprints from our ancestors, and sensing our present being – we can say this whole is our biography. This whole is that affects in the Here and Now in every second. The way the one exists with their past and inbuilt programs determines the way the one changes and creates their future. It is the one’s responsibility to work on increasing awareness.
The understanding of my process through a vertical and horizontal system helped me to handle and survive heavy, painful emotions which came up. I’ve been in such a painful condition for months. Simultaneously I discovered synchronicity which surrounds me. The themes I learn at Gestalt weekend studies, the paper readings I randomly pick and how my current process is at the moment – lead to the next level I have to work with.
They show where I am in the system of phases and layers at the moment. Autumn 2014 was about being in a situation
in which everything – I mean absolutely everything – is in motion, even though this motion follows no sequence, it is diffused.
The sources of my lifelong conflict are ignorance and avoidance. I can hardly separate experience in the past from feeling them in the Here and Now. On the one side I see my choice to be avoided. If it is not my intention or desire for being avoided in the situation then that is ignorance. I am the passive party in ignorance. That’s why observing the feeling of being ignored I had to realize that being ignored has two polarities: if my intention fits the other party’s intention than that is avoidance. If the intention comes only from the other party that is ignorance. My intention to avoid or being avoided is related to my biography.